We can find our mental health condition play out literally anywhere. And from low-stake situations like sports, we can actually learn a lot about ourselves and how our minds work.
My mind is recently being blown by the manga, Blue Lock. And it has given me an epiphany on how my codependency shows up when I play basketball…and how I want to change.
Blue Lock is all about delving into the psychology of soccer players; specifically, the striker, the guy who is the team’s designated scorer. They use this term…the “egoist” to describe strikers. They indulge in their own egos to score goals.
For those of you who has played sports, you might have been told this…“don’t be selfish, pass the ball.” And this is exactly what the main character was told most of his life. And in the first match in the manga, they lose the game because he chose to pass to his teammate in a better scoring position. But he was the better shooter…should he have taken the shot instead of passing? Should he have indulged in his ego?
My Codependency in Basketball, and Scared to Be "Selfish"
A quick definition: A codependent person is someone who wants to be the “giver” in the relationship. They gain a sense of self-worth by being able to be needed by others. They often sacrifice their own needs to satisfy the needs of others, and is often unable and unwilling to ask for what they need. This isn’t a healthy way to have relationships. A healthy relationship is a two-way communication that allows for the needs of both persons to be taken care of. For more info about codependency, listen to my podcasts, here and here.
And being the codependent person that I am, the “team-first” and “share the ball” mentality really resonated with me. The last thing I want to be seen as was a selfish player. So I passed, and passed, and passed the ball to set up my teammates.
It didn’t help that I was a natural point guard. I see the passes and openings really well. But I still recall those moments when I had an open shot. And I passed it. I had a lay up. And I passed it. I got so predictable that my opponents were guarding the pass, rather than my shot. But hey…it’s better than people thinking I’m selfish, right?
How My Fear of Failure Shows Up in Basketball
You know what’s worse than being seen as selfish? Being selfish AND incompetent. And the immediate “failure” in basketball is missing shots. So over the years, I started playing “safer.” I drove to the basket less. I became less of a ball-handler and more of a cutter. I studied basketball plays, so I can be a better cog in the machine by moving off-ball.
And it kinda worked. I have a pretty high in-game shooting percentage. But that’s because I don’t take a lot of shots. And I only take shots that I know I have a high probability of making. I play it REAL SAFE. All to avoid failure and avoid being labelled as “selfish.”
But seriously, who cares? I’m playing at the university gym, with a bunch of kids 10+ years younger than me. And every week, it’s a new group of randoms. No one knows me, no one really thinks too much about me. The stakes are low. REAL LOW.
Implementing Change When the Stakes are Low
Clues to our own mental health can be found in everything that we do. If that’s the case, then we have a lot of different places where we can start making changes.
Usually, when we think of mental health, we think of the BIGGEST things that need to change. Perhaps our relationship with our families. Or we want to build confidence so we can get a promotion at work. Or maybe we want to find the motivation to accomplish the things that matter most to us.
These BIG things are really scary to tackle right off the bat. In my therapy sessions, I always encourage my clients to start with smaller stakes. Practice making change in low stakes situations. It is the perfect place to experiment, make mistakes, and make adjustments. The experience you gain will be transferrable for the bigger changes in your life that you hope to make.
So back to my basketball journey. Yes, I started taking more shots. And literally no one batted an eye when I shot more and missed more shots. The criticism was all in my own head. I just had to unlearn the message of codependency and my relationship with “failure.”
Hey there, my name is Harry, and I’m an Asian therapist here to support your search for health and authenticity. If you are open to weekly self-care FUN-ctivities, subscribe to my “Happy Chemicals Club.” If you enjoy podcasts, you can check these out.
Harry Au
Therapy for Asians
MSW, RSW | he/him
I help Asians go from feeling trapped to becoming self-liberated.
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