In no particular order, these are 10 self-care things that has a positive impact on my mental health:
1. I Gave Up on White T-Shirts
I am interested in fashion and personal expression. And for years, white Tees have been my go-to…simple and classic. But it makes eating a huge chore. I try hard to be careful not to get my shirt dirty…to the point where I get in my own head. So I have chosen to no longer wear white, or light coloured clothing in general. Saves me time and grief having to clean them.
Do I want to dress well? Yes. Fashion and personal style are still very important to me. But my bigger priority is decreasing the mental load and stress. And small stressors like this is totally in my control. So I got rid of all my light coloured clothing.
2. I Don’t Buy Anything Anymore
I have spent the last two years in the same home, and it has been 7 years since moving out from my family home. I’ve finally gotten to the point here I have basically everything I need…furniture, clothing, and whatever else.
I’ve come to realize that most anything else that I buy is not really necessary. It’s all impulse purchases, and feel-good-in-the-moment purchases. I really just enjoy relaxing at home, by myself. Which leads to the next point…
3. Accepting Loneliness as a Human Experience
Like a lot of people, I used to fend away loneliness by constantly going out with friends or buying random things for temporary happiness/excitement. And there were phases in my life when I asked myself, “Why do I always feel lonely? What’s wrong with me? What’s missing in my life? Why can’t I get rid of this feeling of loneliness?”
In the past year, I’ve really embraced the feeling of loneliness. I have chosen to accept that feeling lonely is just another normal emotion that humans feel. I mean, our entire species evolved to survive through social organization. If social connection is survival, then aloneness is death. Which is why the feeling of loneliness is so dreadful and painful…it’s our survival instincts kicking in.
All our feelings come and go. I know that my feeling of loneliness will eventually dissipate and another feeling will show up. So in the meantime, let me create a cozy, hygge home that can allow me to embrace the normalness of all my feelings.
4. Badminton
I used to be an avid badminton player in my 20’s. And recently, I have found new friends to play badminton with. It’s been great to enjoy movement, enjoy my social time with friends, and enjoy some friendly competition.
And because I play every week, it really helps with the feeling of loneliness. I know that every Saturday, I have protected time to socialize and move my body. While the feeling of loneliness still creeps up on me, the weekly social time reminds me that I have wonderful people in my life.
5. I’m Going to Throw 4 Birthday Parties Again
Last year, I threw 4 birthday parties for myself. I basically had a birthday party once a month from March to June. It became a running joke with my friends.
But really though, it’s just an excuse to hang out with friends, share food, and have cake. I’m hoping to have some party games this year. But no drinking though. I’m too old for that shit.
6. I Stopped Trying to “Self-Improve”
I’ve spent the past 10 years building myself up, from trauma-recovery, to committing myself to my ideal life. I voraciously consumed self-improvement books, podcasts, and YouTube videos.
I am deeply thankful for all the changes that I have made. Even on my worst days, I am much happier and calmer than my best days a decade ago.
I am at a point in my life where I am content. And I have found that the constant “next goal” and “next achievement” is actually having a negative impact on my mood. So instead of trying to get myself to the never-ending “next level,” I am embracing contentment and gratefulness.
So ya, let me just get all hygge, throw birthday parties, and play badminton.
7. I Found Out I Have a Weak Serratus Anterior
Understanding my body has been a gamechanger. Trauma often strains our body, due to prolonged activation of our fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses.
I’m going to get a bit technical here. Since I started working out, I’ve been over-straining my left levator scapulae. I couldn’t figure out why. It took me about a year and a half to finally figure out that my left serratus anterior is weak. As a result, my levator scapulae was over-straining to compensate for the weakness. So now I’ve focused on strengthening my serratus anterior. And my body feels sooo much better.
Yes, it legit took me 1.5 years to figure this out. So the lesson I took from this is this: Trauma-recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It can feel frustrating and hopeless at times. But stay on the path, and keep at it!
8. Stopping This List at Eight Items
I was racking my brain to think of ten things to write for this list. But then I realized that I don’t need to have ten things. It was just an arbitrary number I chose when I first started doing this blog series.
So let me embrace change. Let me not drag this out. And most of all, let me embrace the flow of my life, and decide on what works for me. I think we all deserve to do that for ourselves.
What’s something you’re doing that no longer serve you? Maybe it’s time you give yourself permission to stop.
As always, thanks for tuning in. If you found this helpful, share with your peeps. You can also get my free Asian Survival Guide.
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Harry Au
Therapy for Asians
MSW, RSW | he/him
I help Asians go from feeling trapped to becoming self-liberated.
